Flirting/Relationship Coach

Hi Fran

I have a major crush on a guy who is friend of a work colleauge. The guy has a semi-public profile so in my first attempts to connect with him I gave the unfortunate impression I was a crazy horse lady stalker fan. We started as facebook friends after I was enabled by my work colleague to friend request him. After half a dozen attempts to engage him via this social medium over a period of about 1 month he deleted and blocked me without us having had one conversation. I found out later he was of the opinion I was a crazy horse lady stalker. Since this time I have seen him a couple of times at gym, swimming in the pool while I am running on the treadmill in the gym that overlooks the pool. When I see him in this context I do not approach him and I have no evidence that suggests he even knows I am a member of this gym and we are never in a position to naturally meet due to him swimming and me running. I am an evidence girl and look for the cues to respond to but nothing is happening. The problem is that I really like this guy, he is authentic in that he appears to live his life according to his value's and from what my colleague has told me he and I share similarities in our love of animals, enjoyment in being physically active, shy when meeting new people of the opposite sex, both in our 40's, both have had long term relationships and now find ourselves single, we are both good people, our respective friendship circles love, respect and value us etc etc. My question is, did I miss the boat, did I somehow sabotage my opportunity to connect with this guy. Is there anyway I could approach him again without our history influencing our future chances to get to know one and other. By the way, my colleague has told me the guy no longer thinks I am a crazy horse lady stalker fan and now knows I am a respected and valued colleague of one of his best friends, and this guy possibly has features of Aspergers or so I'm told. Lastly, at the end of last year I did pass a note to my colleague that read something like the following; Help, I like #@$%^& and I think I need a reality shock to get over it. I'm having a Bridgett Jones moment and I would really like to move on but feel a bit stuck because of my feelings etc etc.

So Fran if you have any advice I would greatly appreciated your perspective. PS My psychic recently suggested I need do nothing and that my soulmate is on his way regardless of any intervention I may attempt.

Kind Regards

Asked by Tiffy-Appleby about 13 years ago

Here's my take on it! Since I don't know what you said on Facebook I am at a bit of a disadvantage since he blocked you. With that aside here's my advice. Nothing ventured nothing gained and if this is something that you really, really want to pursue here are a bunch of ideas ! Go for it! 1. Have your friend arrange an after work meet up somewhere with the 3 of you. (better yet have your colleague bring someone too) 2. Ask your colleague to ask him if he would like to be fixed up with you. 3. Figure out a way to connect with him at the gym. How perfect that you get to see him on a regular basis. 4. Since your colleague is his friend ask him or her for ideas. I am available for a telephone consultation if you would like. check out my webite at frangreene.com

How do I flirt with a guy when he's not making the first move? I am insanely terrified of rejection.

Asked by Leila91 about 13 years ago

Hi Leila - so glad you asked this question! Fear of rejection is the # 1 reason that both men and women don't flirt! Please reserve rejection only for someone who has touched your heart. How about reframing the "rejection" you are feeling when your flirting partner wants no part of you? Here's what I want you to do: symbolically (in your head, that is) shake his hand and say, "Thanks so much for only wasting ten minutes of my time and not 10 days, 10 months or 10 years!" Fear of rejection only prevents you from flirting. For starters, make eye contact, smile and then say hello! Happy flirting!

So thank you very much for the answers to my previous question. After careful consideration of each of your suggestions I decided to fess up to my colleague / friend by cutting and pasting from your website. Retrospectively speaking, it just was way too funny not to share! An update for you, I have decided not to pursue the guy in any way shape or form and that's not because I have replaced him with anybody else, nor is it because I wouldn't like to meet him but rather it's me stepping up to the relational bungy platform and with my hand on my heart declaring what will be will be and I'm not going to push for anything that does not come naturally. So what do you think, is this a cop out, or am I being super insightful and making way for my true Albert to come foreward?

Asked by Tiffy Appleby about 13 years ago

What is most important is to be comfortable and feel good about your decision. It sounds to me that in your gut you feel it is better to move on. I agree that pushing is never a good thing but sometimes a gentle nudge is all that is needed. Wishing you a love filled spring.

What made you want to become a flirting-relationship coach and what credentials etc were required to become one?

Asked by marjorie about 13 years ago

I am a licensed clinical social worker and was asked to teach a Flirting Course at the Learning Annex in NYC. My career as a Flirting, Dating, and Relationship Coach took off from there. Flirting is in my blood and helping singles find love and couples have the best relationships is my passion! I offer workshops on all topics related to love, am an online dating consultant, and have a national private practice working with people who have never been married, divorced, and widowed. Although no credentials are required, having my masters in social work has given me credibility. It is so great to do what you love and love what you do! Thanks for asking.

How many clients have you helped find their spouse?

Asked by Jolie about 13 years ago

I am happy to say that several of my clients have met their spouse with my help.. It makes the work I do so meaningful when a client finds the love of their life. I suspect that there have been others that have found love but since they no longer need me I will never know. Equally as important, many of my clients and participants in my workshops have taken control of their social life, have removed roadblocks, gained confidence and are no longer stuck in a dating drought.

I'm TERRIBLE with women in bars ... so much so that I barely even try anymore, I just wait and hope for the best. Any flirting tips you can offer to help me out?

Asked by anotherroundplease about 13 years ago

Just think of all of the missed opportunities if you stick to the sideline! It's time to remove your flirting roadblocks and just do it. It's not about crafting the best opening line. Next time you're in a bar try the following: You see a woman that catches your eye. Walk over towards her and give her a compliment. The best compliments are honest and genuine with the element of surprise. For example, "I couldn't help but notice how patient you were with the bartender" or "You have such a great sense of style", "Your outfit is so classy", etc. I think you get my drift. Just have fun!

Is there ever a point with certain clients where you realize the problems are beyond your expertise and they need to see a therapist or psychiatrist?

Asked by DrLuv about 13 years ago

I am a licensed clinical social worker (therapist) as well as a Flirting, Dating and Relationship Coach. What sometimes happens is that a client comes in for coaching or online dating advice and the dating stuff goes on hold so other issues can take priority. Some of my clients have seen a psychiatrist and are being treated with medication.

I have a monster crush on this barista at my nearby Starbucks. I'm there 3-4 times a week, so we're friendly, but I'm dying to ask her out. But worried if she says no, I can't walk in there again without it being weird. Plus, I think she gets hit on constantly by other customers. Any suggestions as to how to keep it from getting awkward if she says 'no', and how to set myself apart from the other 50 guys that ask her out every week?

Asked by Shawn about 13 years ago

How exciting to have a huge crush! I know it is downright scary to take the plunge and ask her out. So what's a great guy like you supposed to do? You could do nothing and kick yourself for being too chicken to ask her out, or you could take a deep breath and ask her out. It would be best if you could ask her out in private (that might be hard). Anyway, you could say to her, "Your boyfriend is a really lucky guy", and when she says she doesn't have one, you could say,"Then today is my lucky day. How about going out for a drink later?" Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Let's imagine the worst: she says no. Okay, you feel a little awkward for a day or so. Not the end of the world. I know your pride is hurt, but if she says no she is actually doing you a favor by not wasting your time. But it could be your lucky day and she will say yes. Keep me posted...... promise?

If I'm continually making eye contact with cute guy, and I catch him doing the same with me, but nothing's "happening", what should I do?

Asked by Misty1 about 13 years ago

How great is that? He is giving you the green light to make a move. So Misty, stand up tall, walk over, smile, look into his baby blues or big brown eyes, extend your hand and introduce yourself. The rest will be history!

What does "Director of Flirting" mean? What did that match.com job entail? Sounds great!

Asked by Talia about 13 years ago

As the Director of Flirting I had a column called "Frankly Fran", very similar to jobstr.com. I was asked questions as to how to survive online dating, flirting tips, how to start a conversation, what are the best places to meet, how do you know when someone likes you, how to go on after a breakup, are office romances okay, when is it okay to have sex, etc, etc. I also was a spokesperson for Match and was interviewed on radio, TV, newspapers and magazines. It was fabulous! Loved it.

What do you think of sending women drinks across the bar as a way of making the first move? Smart or stupid?

Asked by masterofnone about 13 years ago

Sending a drink to a woman across the bar is a smart way to get her attention. It could get expensive, though, so first engage in some eye contact and see if she looks your way. How about sending a note along with the drink so she will really be wowed? Go for it.

What percentage of your clientele are male vs. female?

Asked by Kev about 13 years ago

60% female and 40% male

What advice do you give to married women if they are considering having an affair?
Does that come up in your line of work often?

Asked by hotmama about 13 years ago

It has not come up with any of my married woman clients. Having a cheating spouse has been completely devastating and heartbreaking for my divorced woman clients. My advice to a woman who is considering an affair would be to either work on the marriage or pursue a divorce. Having an affair does not make the troubled relationship better and always causes pain for the spouse that is being cheated on.

I'm kind of over bars clubs etc as a place to meet guys - what less obvious places would you recommend for meeting decent guys?

Asked by brookeNYC about 13 years ago

The best place to meet guys is ... everywhere! Be open, chatty, and always look wherever you are. Let everyone know that you are in the dating market. That means everyone! Your friends, family, neighbors, hairstylist, mechanic, letter carrier, dentist, accountant etc etc. You can even be a bit outrageous and say that you're offering a cruise to whomever introduces you to the love of your life! Here's a short list of where to meet a quality guy: high school and college reunions, volunteering, classes, the gym, online dating services, singles events, jury duty, and houses of worship.

What's the best way to learn to communicate with your partner if you have similar qualities that aren't healthy? i.e., we both have same habit where the moment one of us feels hurt in the slightest way by the other, we say things to hurt the other.

Asked by rh24 about 13 years ago

You are not alone with this one. The moment we feel hurt our natural instinct is to retaliate and want to hurt our partner. Just because it's natural it doesn't mean that it's helpful as you have experienced. How about trying this? Talk to your partner about what you have observed and explain that you want to break the cycle because you really care deeply for him/her. Decide together that when one of you feels hurt the hurt person will explain how they are feeling rather than lashing out. The more you communicate the closer you become!

Can you describe the most hopeless client you ever worked with? What were their issues and were you able to help overcome them, or was it just a lost cause?

Asked by TaraM about 13 years ago

The most difficult clients to work with are men and women who hate being alone, are terrified of rejection, are bitter and angry, and believe all the good ones are taken and they will never meet anyone. The biggest challenge for me is helping them see that if they do nothing to change their life, then everything remains the same. I help them face their fears, break out of their comfort zone, and get back into the dating world. It's not easy, but they are so happy that they are finally taking control of their social life and feeling good about it. Anything really important takes a lot of effort and perseverance. Hope this helps!

When deciding what pictures to use for my online dating profiles, do you recommend posting my absolute bestbestbest pics, or something more true-to-life? Might seem like a dumb question, but I don't want to "overpromise and underdeliver" with my best picture vs. what I actually look like in person, if that makes sense.

Asked by camera-shy about 13 years ago

Very insightful question! I would use a combination of your photos. I agree you don't want "sticker shock" when you actually meet. If you feel confident when you meet your mystery date it really won't matter at all what pics you have online. If you feel that you are being misleading and in turn you would feel awkward and uncomfortable then use your "true to life" photos. You might want to ask a friend if your fabulous pictures are really that different from how you actually look.

Why are some couples still so embarrassed to admit they met online? Isn't it a common enough occurrence these days?

Asked by Kat about 13 years ago

I don't have a clue! They should be announcing it to the world. Does it really matter how or where you meet the love of your life? My best guess is that they think that if they tell people they met online, "they" will think that they were desperate and could not meet anyone the old-fashioned way (whatever that is!) Guess what - online dating is the norm. Meeting at bars, clubs, and singles event do not even hold a candle to online dating. Online dating is efficient, affordable, and it enables you to meet someone across town or across the globe. Doesn't everyone know someone who has met their husband or wife on an online dating service? Go figure :)

If I go on a date using match.com okcupid or whatever, and the guy shows up and I know IMMEDIATELY that it's not a match, what's the most polite way for me to get out of it quickly?

Asked by Hannah about 13 years ago

First put yourself in his shoes. What would you want if the tables were turned? If you are meeting for coffee you could drink it quickly, chat for a few minutes, and very politely say, "I don't think we're a match, thanks for the coffee." I would suggest that you plan your first meetings for something brief like coffee or a drink. So if he is absolutely not for you, your exit could be really fast! But sometimes a diamond in the rough can be a real gem!

When someone goes through a break-up, do you recommend that they "get back out there" right away and start dating to keep their minds preoccupied, or should they sit back and not date for a bit?

Asked by Beenthere about 13 years ago

Everyone needs some healing time, especially if you are not the one who wanted the breakup. We all heal at different speeds, some of us just need to "take to our bed" for the weekend and then brush ourselves off and get back out there. A dating vacation is always a good idea after your heart is broken. Spending time with friends, family, and coworkers who can sing your praises is always a good thing. Take some time to look at your past relationship and what you need to do to move on and find the love of your life. Then once you are ready to get back out there, go for it.

Who are your favorite types of clients to work with?

Asked by Gracie Jean about 13 years ago

My favorite types of clients are people who are willing to look at themselves, and together with me figure out what part of the solution are they. I truly enjoy working with clients who have had their heart broken and are ready to get back out there and work on finding the love of their life. Working with couples who want to transform their troubled relationships into loving ones is also a favorite of mine. Being a part of someone's healing and growing process warms my heart. Thanks for asking!

If I offer up a compliment to a girl in a bar like you suggested above, doesn't that just come off as blatantly hitting on her and won't that turn her off?

Asked by Jrock87 about 13 years ago

If your compliment is genuine and you really mean what you say, the girl will be so flattered. Make sure that your compliment is not icky, such as " Your sweater really shows off your chest!" or "Your luscious lips are probably delicious!" Your compliment is a way to get the conversation going, not to catch her off-guard. Try a compliment such as, "I couldn't help but notice what a warm smile you have," or, " I overheard you talking to your friend, you sound like an awesome cook," or even, "Your watch is so unusual." Everyone loves a compliment!

What do you think is the most common misconception for men with regard to how best to approach women?

Asked by AintNoCasanova about 13 years ago

Lots of guys think that the best approach is a heavy come on! Women are so turned off by empty compliments or lines that make them speechless or uncomfortable. Less is better than more. Chivalry is not dead, try it you will earn some really big points.

I'm not the best/wittiest writer in the world, so how do I stand out when writing to girls I'm interested in on dating websites?

Asked by swingandamiss about 13 years ago

The most important thing to do is to comment about what the girl wrote in her profile. When you do that, she knows that you really have paid attention to her. Your replies should be complimentary, not too long, and let her know that you would really like to meet. I'm not a big fan of a gazillion emails and hours of texting or talking before you actually meet.

What would you say brought you to deciding on the career path you chose, and what tips could you give to someone who is totally clueless as to how to make her interests in people, relationships and society into anything profitable?

Asked by curiouswannabesuccess almost 13 years ago

Hi Clueless:

My story is a combination of my professional background as a licensed clinical social worker and lots of experience in the training field.   I strated doing workshops for singles and it "morphed" into my career as a Flirting, Dating, and Relationship Coach.
 Some of the ways to see if their is an interest inwhat you have to offer is to start  a blog, write articles, or teach a workshop.   It is a great  way to test the waters.
 Also do a google search of all sorts of experts and see if something resonates for you.  Hope this helps.  Feel free to ask a follow up question if you need anything else.

Follow your passion and take  steps to reach your goal.  Wishing you much success in 2014!

i like this guy and every time i see him he smiles and says heyy should i tell him i like him?

Asked by emily over 11 years ago

Hi Emily:

It sounds like this guy is waiting for you to make the next move.  Telling him that you like him as the icebreaker could be a deal breaker.   Although I love being direct  this might cause him to get tongue tied.  So, give these   a try:

• Give him a compliment (Tell him what a great smile he has)
• Ask him if he wants to grab a cup of coffee or go for a drink
• Start a converstaion with him and  if it  feels right tell him how you have been wanting to talk to him for the longest time

She's married, I am separated now. After a 4 year relationship she left me as it did not progress in wait for my divorce, delayed for tough reasons. We still talk, but she wants us friends. She's bored with hubby. I love and need her. I need help!

Asked by Mo about 11 years ago

Hi Mo:

As much as you want to be with  her, she is married and you are not divorced.That is the  harsh reality.  If and when she gets divorced and you get divorced the two of you can try again.  For now, let her know that dating married women is not  what you want.  You can't turn the clock back, but it appears that she put her time in waiting for you and you did not get divorced.   "If you are bored with your spouse you try to fix it, if that does not work you  end the relationship."  I think it is time to move forward with your own life.  Wishing you the best.  Fran

If some annoying boys were teasing me in front of other people, will that make me look back? The girls watching told the boys that it was gross what they were saying (in general not just to me.) I didn't say anything back. Did I look bad?

Asked by 123 about 11 years ago

Sometimes it is difficult to tell someone that  you  they can not talk to you in a way that is disrespectful.   If it happens again, either walk away or let the boys know that you will not be spoken to in that way.  It is so important to let others know that you have self confidence and are not afraid  to show it!

Just over 2 years ago my wife cheated on me with a friend. We did a bible study called The love Dare together after to try and save the relationship. Our communication better but I still struggle with what she did. What can I do to help myself?

Asked by techie4lyfe over 10 years ago

Hi Still Struggling:Betrayal is very tough to overcome, bit it is possible and many couples do survive an affair and actually have a better relationship. I am not familiar with the Love Dare program, but I am glad that your communication is better. Couples counseling with an experienced professional is essential to figure out what the difficulties are in the relationship and strategies. to overcome them without straying. You might also want to consider individual therapy for yourself. Wishing you a 2015 that is filled with love and trust.

What does it mean if a girl sometimes says hi, and other times ignores me? (I'm 14.)

Asked by 123 about 11 years ago

Hi 123:

It could mean  that the girl  is testing the waters to see  if you like her.  Next time you see her, you say hi  and she will be so happy that you noticed her.

I work in a restaurant with a guy who flirts by tickling/winking/sexual innuendos/getting REAL close-pressed up behind me. I know he has a girlfriend but how can I reciprocate his flirting in a playful touchy feely way without seeming silly? Thanks

Asked by Flirtless over 10 years ago

Not sure if you should go there!! It does not sound like he is flirting, it sounds more like he wants a hook up. If he has a girlfriend, I would back off. You can be friendly and chatty but that's about it.There are so many other fish in the sea for you. So go flirt with someone else who catches your eye. :)

I'm a high school boy. There's someone that I'm interested in being closer too (even if it's just as friends or maybe more). She talks to me occasionally. I'm not the talkative type. How should I go about getting closer?

Asked by ABC about 10 years ago

Great Question!! For starters, how about finding out what she likes to do. Once you know what she likes , you can suggest that you do it together. When you do an activity together it is often easier to talk because you now have something in common. It could be bike riding, skateboarding, going to a movie, helping her with something school related Talking to girls can be a scary thing, practice makes perfect. :)

I "met" this girl at a summer program (for teens) but I barely had any interaction in the two weeks. I later found the persons Instagram and when I followed she followed back (doesn't mean she remembers me) continued...

Asked by Victor over 10 years ago

So I work in a restaurant with this really hot guy who flirts with me. A lot! It's mostly discreet physical flirting, as there's always people, be it customers or colleagues near. I'm really shy and not really bold enough/know what to do or say back.

Asked by The colleague over 10 years ago

To the shy colleague:How lucky are you that this adorable guy is letting you know that he is interested in you!!So, what should you do? Here are a few suggestions. How about if you slipped him a note with your phone number telling him you would love to get together or slipped him a note asking him for his phone number. That would be the really bold approach. Or you could casually say, let's have coffee after we get off work, and see how he responds. You could also ask him for help with something ( even if you don't really need the help) so you could spend some time with him after work. Let me know how you do. Remember, life is not a dress rehearsal. Take a deep breath and go for it.

I met my husband on Match.com. He was a psychopath and ruined my life. It's been 7 years since my divorce and I have absolutely no desire to date anyone ever again. Do you know much about the devastating and lasting effects of toxic relationships?

Asked by mcmjuly over 10 years ago

Hi mcmjuly:Yes, I do know about how painful and devastating a toxic relationship can have. It absolutely chips away at your self esteem. Would you like to have a wonderful relationship with a partner who truly loves and values you? If so, dating is your only option. Have you worked with a therapist who could help you move on? If you are interested in working with me you can email me at FranGreeneLCSW at gmail.com. Wishing you a love filled 2015

I been dating my boyfriend for a while now but the problem is that we are in a long distance relationship . So my question to you is how can i make it work with him show him that i love him and we can make it work. I want this relationship to work.

Asked by Temorrow over 9 years ago

For starters, let your boyfriend know that long distance relationships can be challenging, but you will do whatever you can to make it work, Let him know that you are willing to visit him as well as him visiting you. Technology is on your side to keep the romance alive. You can send him a loving text for no reason. You could even send him a card in the mail, That would be a novelty in today's digital world.The most important ingredient in any relationship is honest and open communication. Let him know what you are thinking and what concerns you about the long distance aspect of the relationship!

Looking for tips on flirting with hubby to keep romance going

Asked by MK over 9 years ago

Love your question! Mail him a romantic card, write a loving note and put it in his coat pocket or bag he brings to work, put towels in the dryer while he is in the shower and as soon as you hear the water stop bring him the towels! Kiss him in public when he least expects it, gaze into his eyes and tell him he is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Now you know what to do, Happy Flirting!

Looking for tips on flirting with hubby....a bit rusty lol

Asked by MK over 9 years ago

Hi MK:Flirting with your husband will keep the spark and excitement alive. Remember all the stuff you did when you were first dating,it's time to get back into the dating mode. Here are a few things to try; Be your husband's biggest cheerleader when you are out with friends;compliment him when he least expects it, send him a loving text for no reason, plan a mystery date for the two of you and tell him you love him for no reason. Keep me posted!

Is flirting a natural trait or a learned trait? My mother has often accused me of being a natural born flirt which usually leaves me a bit gobsmacked as I see myself as essentially shy. Some people are just more engaging to talk to, am I clueless?

Asked by Sanne over 6 years ago

Hi! I want to know how did you start this business and what credentials do you need? Also, is this enough money to make a living on, what are your hours, etc.? I am interested in starting my own business that deals with helping others. Thanks!

Asked by Becky over 5 years ago

Why does it say your 0? You look a little older then an infant. Also, you must be a pretty smart one to be a certified social worker and be able to read and write on here,lol. Baby genuis?

Asked by Ron over 6 years ago