Pick-Up Coach

Pick-Up Coach

Xander

Hollywood, CA

Male, 32

I was a practitioner of Pick-Up Arts, as taught through numerous books, classes, and online forums. Now I help legions of average, frustrated chumps learn how to interact with women and land the dates and relationships they've always wanted.

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24 Questions

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Last Answer on July 12, 2013

Best Rated

I have zero game in bars. Are there any particular venues that you think are underrated as places to meet decent women?

Asked by rossp over 13 years ago

If you have "zero game" as you say, it's unlikely to improve just because you set foot in an establishment that serves coffee instead of alcohol. Women don't change species just because they are in a club. Work on the game part first...are you anxious? Dull? Overly deferential? Address whatever it is head on. Once you've managed that, then you can start worrying about the types of venues that will enable you to meet the most compatible women. I will say that Bed Bath and Beyond is highly underrated (I'm serious)

What's the most common mistake you see your clients making with women and how do you correct it?

Asked by 112211 over 13 years ago

Bragging. Or worse, humblebragging. It's utterly transparent. I'm sure you are proud of the Law & Order-worthy case you've laid out of why she should like you but that's not really how it works. As far as correcting it, pretty simple. Knock it off. But really "mistakes" or any thing revolving around technique takes a big backseat to just overcoming various fears and insecurities which, unfortunately, take more time and effort to "correct."

If I'm gonna booty-call via text, what's the best possible opener? "Where u at?" ain't cutting it anymore.

Asked by psufoo! over 13 years ago

You're way overthinking it. Girls aren't stupid; if you are texting at 2am it doesn't matter if it's "Where u at?," "Hey" or "The Yankees win the pennant!" she knows why you're texting.

Have you ever worked with a guy you thought was utterly hopeless, and did you have much success?

Asked by Marty over 13 years ago

I've never had anyone I thought was hopeless but I know coaches who have. There is definitely a point where I can go no further as coach and a therapist has to pick up the baton. Like the proverbial onion, peoples' layers often take time to peel away and often reveal things that they didn't know were there. And like most things, you can lead a horse to water......

I'm a little overweight - nothing crazy, but definitely doughy. Average height. What's best way to dress & present myself to compensate for it?

Asked by The Hammer! over 13 years ago

Get in the gym and lose the weight. Extra weight is really hard to conceal. Wearing black or a vest can help a bit but it still shows in your face. Pick up some weights, hit the track and most importantly, eat clean and you can wear all the tight t-shirts you want.

What was your first "aha" moment after you started learning the ropes?

Asked by MrX over 13 years ago

I think it was the first time I hung out with Mystery, one of the most prominent dating coaches. He was wearing some ridiculous multi-colored coat and a belt buckle that was playing his Vh1 show on an LCD screen. I was talking to a girl and she said "Look at him, he looks ridiculous. Like he needs attention." 20 minutes later she was all over him. The "aha" was that what people (especially women) say and what they do are frequently not the same thing.

How long after you set about trying to improve with women yourself did things really start to click?

Asked by Sal over 13 years ago

I was fortunate in that I was never really terrible with women so pretty quickly after I starting going out regularly I was seeing that girls responded to me. But a little like a game of wack-a-mole when you learn one thing you find others popping up. For example I'm still trying to get comfortable with a girl telling me she likes me without freaking out.