Jordan
Toronto, ON
Female, 28
Space Waitress, Trolley Dolly, Stewardess...everyone has their own term for us. We are the baby-sitters, life-savers, servers, cleaners and all-around problem solvers for any and every in-flight issue. Sometimes we get a bad rep for being apathetic and miserable despite having what looks like a glamorous job, so here's a peek into the gritty details beneath the shiny surface to explain why the job - though incredible in lots of ways - is more than just snappy uniforms and matching luggage.
Though I do come across those pilots who think they're above hanging out with the cabin crew, they are thankfully few and far between. Often captains are first to suggest meeting up for drinks and many even go the extra mile and buy the first round or a few appetizers. Of course there will always be some FAs and pilots who, after a long day of flying, just want to hole up in their hotel room and savor the solitude, and consequently they get a reputation for being "slam-clickers" (that's the unmistakeable sound of a hotel door shutting and locking). As for pilots and flight attendants getting a little too cozy on layovers? Well, I will neither confirm nor deny that it happens, but what happens in a layover city, doesn't stay in a layover city, because nothing passes the time in the air like gossiping and, as one FA from another airline told me, "if I don't hear a rumour before 9am I start one".
You'd be surprised how many people seem to pack their manners in their checked luggage. When I ask you if you would like a drink, try taking off your headphones instead of yelling, "HUH?" and making me repeat myself several times. Say "please" and "thank you" - parents will remind their children to do this and then forget to do it themselves - and please! I don't have Garbage Can written across my forehead, so stop thrusting your dirty napkins in my face as I pass through the aisle, often with my hands full. But what really gets under my skin is people who stand in the galley and stare at me eating my lunch while saying, "Gee, not much room in here, is there?". Yes, it's a small space, there's no privacy, and the best way to annoy your flight attendant is to loiter in their personal bubble while they try to catch a breather between services. Imagine it as your cubicle and someone's sitting on your computer. And here's a secret - if too many people are in our space, we can ask our buddies in the flight deck to flick on the get-back-in-your-seat sign. Ah, power!
I would ensure that all crew members were paid for the time spent doing security checks on the aircraft (we're not) and going through customs (we're not) and boarding guests onto the plane (you guessed it, we're not). I would also make it illegal to clip or paint your finger/toenails while on an aircraft, or even remove your footwear for that matter. (it's a public place, do you really want to?) And if I could magically make every TV on every plane always work the way it should, I would do that too, because if you're happy, I'm happy.
The glamour is what attracts people to the job, but it's the lifestyle that people stay for. It doesn't take long to grow weary of sleeping in hotel rooms, living out of a suitcase, and asking people to turn off their ipads. But what other full time job gives you half the month off and several weeks paid vacation with which to enjoy your travel benefits? (though you'll probably have to work Christmas, bah humbug!) Not all flight attendant gigs are as good as mine, but i work for an airline that doesn't have seniority so it's a very sweet deal - lots of opportunities to fly when I want and where I want. Not only that, but there's endless variety; the flights I work change according to what I request for the month and what's in season, I work with a different crew each 'pairing' (shift), the faces on the plane are always new, and c'mon, being paid to lie on a beach in Barbados once in awhile? I'll take it, thanks!
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How could I mind? You just made my day! I'm really glad you enjoy reading my little anecdotes because I enjoy writing about them. I've only been working as a flight attendant for a few years now so I don't know that I have enough to fill a book but maybe someday I will! I'll have to ask our resident LiteraryScout for advice... ;)
Yes, we do get celebrities once in a while which I find quite surprising considering the airline I work for doesn't offer business or first class, so the A-list are crammed right in with us plebeians. I've had TV personalities, Olympic athletes, musicians and movie stars on my flights. What did they all have in common? I didn't recognize a single one! I'm terrible - every time it was one of my co-workers or another guest who pointed the celebrity out to me, I suppose it's because I just don't expect to see them in real life? So, I am excellent at numero uno: acting nonchalant. Only I'm not acting.
Once the cat's out of the bag and I'm aware of just who is on the plane I try to act casual and give them their space, even though I'm totally star-struck. There's usually at least one flight attendant on board who will jump at the chance to give them free drinks and the best seat in the house, I'm just not that bold. And definitely we tell the pilots! They're always interested to hear stuff like that - life can get pretty dull in the flight deck. I've even had them call Operations just to confirm the identity of certain guests who bear uncanny resemblances to celebs. It keeps us entertained! I will say though that I totally understand why a lot of famous people use private jets. I once had an actress on my flight who was unlucky enough to be recognized in the boarding lounge and subsequently spent the whole flight fending off clueless children sent up by their parents to get autographs, and had about fifty cell phone cameras document her trip to the onboard lavatory. She was gracious about it but it was enough to make me cringe. I guess that's the price of fame!
Ah, now that, my friend, is because everything about airport security is designed to confound and frustrate you! But I'll do my best to provide some insight in the carry-on department. The people at the security checkpoints who x-ray everything from your laptop to your unmentionables are government employees working for agencies like the Transportation Security Administration. Their main concern is ensuring that the contents of your luggage are safe, and I'm quite sure the only size requirements they uphold are for liquids, gels and aerosols - not the size of the suitcase they're in. According to the TSA website this is to dissuade you from transporting questionable substances like gasoline, tear gas, and copious amounts of gravy. Airlines on the otherhand, are more concerned with what bags will fit in the overhead bins or underneath the seat, and what can be lifted by flight attendants without the use of a crane. Since each airline uses different models of aircrafts, you'll have to check their website to find their particular carry-on restrictions for weight and size. Which is just what I told a random stranger who passed me on the street while I was in uniform and asked me if his accordian would fit in the overhead bin on his flight to Greece. Here's hoping the reason he needed it in the cabin with him was because of its fragility and not because he wanted to serenede the other passengers for 10 hours.
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