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"The Onion" Contributors

Mike & Jilly (Toronto , On)

 Michael MacDonald and Jilly Gagnon edit and write for Canada's Pre-Eminent News Source, The Smew (smew.com), a Canadian satirical... 1 / 19 / 12 1 / 17 / 12 14
Beauty Queen

MissNorco2010 (Norco, CA)

 In 2010 I won the Miss Norco pageant, beginning one of the biggest journeys of my life. Throughout the year I represented... 2 / 19 / 12 2 / 16 / 12 12
Architectural Project Manager

DougAPowell (Austin, TX)

 I work in small 2-man architecture firm where I literally wear every hat imaginable (except Owner). I answer the phones,... 9 / 17 / 12 8 / 20 / 12 18
Security / Bodyguard

Sentinel (Toronto, ON)

 I have worked in Toronto's private security industry for the past three years. From babysitting an outdoor art supplies tent... 1 / 07 / 13 12 / 24 / 12 9
Bowling Alley Attendant

Strikeman300 (New York, NY)

 For a few years in high school I was a lead attendant at a bowling alley. Responsibilities included everything from taking... 1 / 18 / 13 1 / 18 / 12 15
Former TSA Screener

NJR (New York, NY)

 I worked at the TSA, one of the most despised government agencies in the U.S., for approximately 7 years. Recently, I resigned,... 1 / 26 / 13 1 / 26 / 13 2
Farmer

Peaceful Valley Farm (La Selva Beach, CA)

 I've been a full-time farmer for a couple of years now. Our farm is rather small and very diverse. We raise rare and endangered... 1 / 28 / 13 11 / 24 / 12 18
Election Inspector

Lolo22 (Haverstraw, NY)

 I was an inspector at the polls for the 2012 presidential election. It was our job to set up the polling place, verify voters'... 2 / 18 / 13 11 / 07 / 12 17
Bar Mitzvah DJ

YMCA (Toronto, ON)

 I know how to Blame it on the Boogie better than the Jackson 5, point my disco finger higher than John Travolta and Time... 4 / 03 / 13 1 / 20 / 12 22
Sommelier

Vindulge (West Hartford, CT)

 I am a wine educator, Certified Sommelier through the Court of Master Sommeliers, and founder of Vindulge, Wine Education... 4 / 30 / 13 4 / 15 / 13 10
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