Mark Manson, Postmasculine.com

Do you get annoyed when people still ask you pick-up questions, since you're trying to move away from all that?

Asked by subaruguru over 11 years ago

The pick up questions themelves don't annoy me so much. I still enjoy talking about dating and meeting women. What annoys the hell out of me is when people still assume that I'm a pick up coach or part of that whole scene. And I suppose the hardcore PUA questions still bug me because it shows that the person either misunderstands my work or hasn't read much of it.

Do girls get sketched out when you tell them you used to be a dating coach? Do most of them just equate that with sleazy pick up artist?

Asked by kevin.emerson over 11 years ago

Not anymore, no. Back when I *WAS* a pick up coach, yeah, a good number of them would get a little weirded out. But usually these days a girl doesn't find out about my past profession until I've known her for a little while -- so she's already been exposed to my personality and values, and sometimes even my current website. It's been a long time since I've gotten a bad reaction.

How do you focus on writing for multi-hour stretches? Do you work in quiet isolation? Do you take any focus-oriented medications?

Asked by Jay-D-D over 11 years ago

Without quoting all of the research on time management and attention span, here's what I do (and just take it for granted that most of this is backed up with research): - 50-55 minutes of focused, non-distracted work. - 10-15 minute breaks in between - Set a timer and stick to it. Or Create a music playlist. - People either focus best in light/quiet or dark/loud settings. No idea why this is. But I'm the latter. I do my best work late at night and undoubtedly with loud music blasting through my headphones. - Caffeine I've experimented with both Modafinil and Piracetam and found their effects to be far less than advertised. Yeah, they helped, but they weren't cheap and made me feel a bit weird, so I stopped taking them. When I was a teenager I was prescribed Adderall for ADHD. Obviously this helped me focus a lot in school, but the side-effects were far too deleterious for my taste, so I stopped. Finally, I'll add that the best way to maintain focus is to be passionate and love what you're doing or writing about.

Mark, I noticed on your site that you hired 3 interns and flew them down to Colombia with you in May. How has that experience gone for you and what have you learned so far from it.

Asked by Gus over 11 years ago

It's been more volatile and stressful than I anticipated, but it's been good, a good learning experience for all four of us. I really had no clue how to manage or motivate people before, and it's helped me work with others a lot more. All in all, the business is growing at a faster clip than ever before and I think a lot of that can be attributed to them, even if not directly, they've freed me up to work on aspects of the business that are most important.

You seem to have a mastery of being able to acclimatize yourself in just about any country. Was there ever a country where no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't make things "click?"

Asked by TNThomas over 11 years ago

Depends what you mean by "acclimatize yourself." If you mean fit into the culture seamlessly, then there are plenty. China, for example, is more or less impossible to integrate yourself without living there for a year or two, and even then... Western Europe is obviously the easiest, especially the English-speaking ones... a few weeks and some local friends and you don't feel too foreign. I've become very acclimatized to Latin American countries the last year, mainly because I speak Spanish and Portuguese now and understand their cultures a lot better. But even then, there are moments when it's clear I'm the "gringo" in the group, no matter how close I get to my friends there. If you just mean feeling comfortable and confident in a country, then I would say the only countries that give me trouble are the really impoverished. India was very difficult and I never felt comfortable there. Cambodia to a lesser extent. Indonesia as well.

What are the top few things you think bloggers should do for SEO? I write good (imo) blog posts, but that doesn't help if no one knows they're there.

Asked by pinchy over 11 years ago

Get individual posts linked on other sites and blogs. Old school SEO techniques like directories, social bookmarks, etc., are not very useful anymore. Google has gotten really good at gauging how popular and interesting a site is based on people who link the individual articles and share things on Facebook and Twitter. So it's hard to fake a lot of attention these days. Also, make sure you article reflects a particular keyword with a lot of traffic. For instance, if you're aiming for the keyword "Leather Jackets" then you want to call your article "Leather Jackets, everything you need to know" or something. You wouldn't call it "Latest fall fashion" or whatever.

"PUA is about being the best version of yourself" has always resonated with me, but I found that even among those who cite that as their motivation, the 'scoreboard' still seems to be bedding women. Did you notice that too and can you reconcile it?

Asked by Jobstr Dan over 11 years ago

That's my major criticism of it and in my opinion, PUA's major downfall: that instead of measuring our self-worth based on our own values, PUA conditions us to measure it based on how many women we sleep with, how hot they are, etc. It's self-defeating in a way. Self improvement isn't worth a whole lot if you're only doing it to impress others. This is why you see so many "successful" PUA's, who have slept with dozens, if not hundreds, of women still have major self esteem and emotional issues.

At the beginning, how did you balance your time between providing content and marketing your blog? Do you feel that one is more important than the other? I have the feeling that I need more content before I start openly marketing my blog.

Asked by Legendary over 11 years ago

Great content markets itself. Especially for a blogger. I think what most bloggers don't understand is that you're not just offering information or a point of view, but you're offering an experience in the minds of your readers. So yes, great content should come first. It should also come second, third, fourth and fifth. I actually used to focus a lot more on marketing that I do now. What I discovered is that the quality of my marketing had little effect on my sales or traffic. People who liked me liked me regardless of how I marketed myself. I'd say these days I spend 75% on content 25% on marketing. That seems to work well for me.

What were the biggest challenges in building your business up to the point where you could live off it and how did you
overcome them? Would you say that most challenges were actually internal, meaning that you stood in your own way, not external?

Asked by Wizard over 11 years ago

The biggest challenge was figuring out something I could produce that a lot of people wanted. My first 2-3 products barely sold much at all, certainly not enough to live off of. It took a number of tries, studying marketing and branding, and understanding my audience a lot better until I was able to nail something that made me a solid income. I don't think I necessarily got in my own way. I worked my ass off through 2008 and 2009. I literally had no life other than my business for those two years. If there's one thing that I think I screwed up on internally is that I didn't give myself enough credit as a writer. At the time I was thoroughly convinced that people bought from me because of my marketing and offers, not because they had built a connection and loyalty to me as a teacher and writer. It took me a long time to figure out that my writing was the driving force behind my business and not all of the bells and whistles I spent so much time focusing on. Could I have avoided that had I been a bit more confident in myself at the time? I suppose. But this stuff is all a learning experience regardless.

Are you a one-man show in operating your website, handling book sales, etc, or have you hired help?

Asked by TJ all day over 11 years ago

I have a few interns that are helping me at the moment, mostly with marketing and behind-the-scenes stuff. I've outsourced things here and there over the past year as well. But for the most part, I was a one-man show from 2007 to 2011.

Is there anything a blogger can do to increase the likelihood of going viral, or is it just a matter of cranking out great content until something hits?

Asked by Alastair over 11 years ago

As usual, content is king. People don't share articles that suck. But there are some things you can do. 1. The New York Times actually recently did a little study on their own content and how much it got shared and they found that the more polarizing of an emotional response the article brings, the more likely it is to be shared. It's like the old Howard Stern thing, people who loved him listened to him for 3 hours a day. People who hated him listened to him for 4 hours a day. The point is to get an emotional reaction and a STRONG one at that. 2. Know the basics of copywriting, this is the biggest thing I've picked up from bloggers like Tim Ferriss the last year: the title of the article is so important as a marketing tool. For instance, check out the difference between the two following titles: "Implementation Intention and Overcoming Bad Habits" or "3 Steps to Remove Procrastination from Your Life Permanently" Both are accurate article titles. One is about the psychological concept of implementation intention and how it can be utilized to overcome procrastination and bad habits. The other is the benefit marketed directly in the article title. Guess which one will get shared more? 3. The article needs to be widely applicable. One of the most popular articles on my site is called "Butchering the Alpha Male". It's an article written for a very specific subset of men and a response to a certain subset of men's dating advice. Within that small niche, the article became widely popular and was shared a lot. The thing is, because it's focus was so narrow and was only relevant to such a specific group of people, it never caught fire and spread beyond that.

I bought Models and it is awesome so thanks for producing it Mark. My question is do you think travelling solo to music festivals and countries actually accelerate ones social skills?

Asked by Manny over 11 years ago

Yes, absolutely. It forces you into new and uncomfortable situations, often handicaps your communication (creating a so-called "altitude effect") and of course, gets you talking and meeting new people. I think it's one of the most useful things you can do to improve your social skills and social confidence in general.

Your posts are always so brutally honest (which I love). Are there any topics or personal stories you WOULDN'T be willing to divulge?

Asked by Brick_by_Brick over 11 years ago

About myself, I like to think no, there's nothing that's off limits. But there are things about family members and people who have been close to me that I wouldn't reveal (without their permission, of course).

Hi Mark, thanks for doing this. I am a 22 year old college graduate who wants to travel, but only knows basic Spanish/French. How important is it to know a country's language before you travel there?

Asked by toffee over 11 years ago

It depends on where you want to go and what you want to do. Most Spanish and French speaking countries it's fairly important. But if you're going to Thailand or Israel for example, then you don't really need to know anything. Knowing the local language absolutely helps your experience and the longer you stay there, the more advantageous it is. But if you're only going to pass through a place for a couple weeks, then it doesn't really matter.

How much better is Raging Bull than Taxi Driver? A little or a lot?

Asked by James over 11 years ago

This question is so misinformed and ignorant that I'm not even going to justify it with an answer. Taxi Driver is one of the best movies made in the last 50 years. Anyone who disagrees is a communist and/or a terrorist.

Mark, thanks for asking my first question, I agree with you. Content rules. That being said, I am having a little trouble figuring out exactly how to effectively market my blog. Any quick tips for a beginner?

Asked by Legendary over 11 years ago

Best ways to get the word out about your blog: 1. Guest posts on other blogs. I recommend emailing other bloggers with an article ALREADY written. Make sure it's good. You basically want to make it as easy as possible for them to say yes. Aim for bloggers who are in your league. A big blog that gets 10k hits a day likely gets asked for guest posts daily and is only going to be interested in promoting someone who has a platform to promote them back. Look for blogs of people who are similar but slightly larger than you. So if you get 20 hits a day, look for someone who gets maybe 50 or 100 hits. If you get 100 hits, look for someone who gets 400 hits. Work your way up. 2. Forums. Either pop your blog in your signature and post a lot of good, quality posts. Or find HIGHLY RELEVANT threads and drop a link to your site in your reply. It is very, very, very, very important to make sure you're adding real value when you post on forums, lest you be considered a spammer. The moment people think you're a spammer, no one will take you or your site seriously. 3. Blog comments. See above, although these are a bit easier and people are a lot more lenient about you linking. But again, make sure your comment is great. 4. Interview people. Interview other bloggers and then hope they link to your interview. Same rule applies about finding bloggers of similar but slightly larger size. I get interviewed multiple times a week, and I simply can't be bothered to link my readers to every place I'm interviewed, especially if it was by a tiny site. Don't worry about social media until you've gotten a bit of a following. Until then, it's just a waste of time.

A little more on topic, how much of an influence would you say your readership has had on you as a person? I'm sure it helps shape the blog, but do you think you've learned as much from them as some of them have from you?

Asked by Guster over 11 years ago

I think in the early-going my readership influenced me quite a bit. Back when I started I had far fewer readers, so in a way my relationship with my readers was far more intimate. Conversations and feedback from readers inspired me to pursue a lot of various areas of interest that I may not have otherwise: i.e., feminism, self esteem, motivation, etc. These days I would say they influence me less... or at least they influence me less on a person-by-person basis. There are a dozen readers or so who I am in regular contact with, but for the most part, there seems to be an invisible barrier of separation between me and them. I suppose on a macro-level they influence me indirectly by validating my life purpose and ambitions. It's cool to write things you're passionate about and see that 10,000 other people read it and seemed to like it. That has to affect a person I imagine, even if on an unconscious level.

Do you believe in the law of attraction? If so, do you think it's had any noticeable effect on your life? I think there is definitely some truth behind it and the theory makes sense, but I'm always interested to hear people's experience with it.

Asked by dAVE J over 11 years ago

I do believe in it. Although I don't believe in it in any kind of supernatural or meta-physical way. The law of attraction has been taught in self help for over 100 years and can be easily explained by some basic psychological mechanisms we all have. 1. Confirmation bias - when we believe something, we're more likely to see information that supports our belief rather than what refutes it. 2. Opportunity blindness - we're only capable of seeing the possibilities of what we're immediately focusing on. The example I use for this is that when I quit my day job and started an internet business, I believe it was all or nothing with the internet business. But in fact, not only has my business completely evolved into something else I never could have imagined, but I have encountered dozens of amazing opportunities in the past 4 years that don't relate to my business at all. As humans, there are more variables and possibilities than we can comprehend and so we're not able to see them until we take a step towards them. 3. Hindsight - As Steve Jobs, it's easy to connect the dots when you look backwards. What "feels" serendipitous to us is actually just the single path we happened to choose. One of my interns commented to me recently at how lucky he was to have stumbled across a forum where some people knew me, therefore leading him to getting a job with me and being flown to Colombia to work online. I commented back to him that he always wanted to work online, and that if he hadn't met me, chances are he would have met someone else and encountered other opportunities, just as unique. The total effect of all of this is that when you focus singularly on your goal -- whether it be make money, start a business, find a girlfriend -- you start to 1) naturally only see information that confirms your goal, 2) "stumble" onto new opportunities you were unaware existed as you pursue that goal, 3) in hindsight feel that everything serendipitously came together.

What is the craziest story you have from being a men's dating coach?

Asked by Gus over 11 years ago

Unfortunately there aren't as many crazy stories as there are facepalm stories. One thing about that job is that people always thought it was glamorous -- that I was going out with these guys and doing crazy party stuff and banging tons of hot girls. It was quite the opposite it. It was more akin to holding therapy sessions in night clubs than anything. And then hour after painstaking hour trying to get a guy over his anxieties or insecurities around women. Just a guy getting a phone number was cause for celebration. With that said, there were some cool nights... Mostly involving bringing girls back to my hotel room. There are some awkward Vegas strip club stories in there too but I don't completely recall all of those nights. But mostly just therapy sessions.

Mark, thanks for doing an AMA. What's the most common and annoying work related problem you run into as a person who travels the world and works on his own?

Asked by Guster over 11 years ago

Lack of internet. Unfortunately in most countries (including the US), landing reliable internet is a crapshoot depending on which hotel or hostel you stay in. In developing countries sometimes you even run into internet problems in apartments and houses. As someone who not only makes a living on the internet, but also needs the internet to keep in touch with my family, friends, plan future travel, pay bills, etc., this drives me crazy to no end. Luckily, wherever you go in the world, there's almost always a Starbucks two blocks away.

You said that entrepreneurship was serendipitous for you after quitting the bank. What if you were already planning to be an entrepreneur in college but wanted to be something else as well, like an actor, musician, comedian, etc.? What would you do?

Asked by Hunter over 11 years ago

Well, it kind of depends on what the "else" is here, but I would focus on one... or starting a business that relates to the occupation you want to pursue. When you're starting out cold, starting a business requires an insane amount of time and work to get off the ground. If you were splitting that with something else, I don't know if you'd get anywhere.

Hey, Mark. What are your thoughts about the seduction community now that you're not as involved with it as you once were?

Asked by ap1 over 11 years ago

I have mixed feelings for it. I think on the one hand, it does a lot of good and has some admirable goals -- self improvement, increasing self awareness and self respect in men, helping anti-social men become more social and confident, a support group for men's issues and insecurities. These are all great things. I think some aspects of it are quite toxic as well -- the singular focus and obsession on sex, the objectification of women and occasional misogyny, the narcissistic tendencies some companies teach men to have, and the weird cult mentality many men develop as a result. The major thing that inspired my current site was creating a positive and healthy alternative to the seduction community for men.

Dogs or Cats?

Asked by Gus over 11 years ago

Cats. You don't have to pick up their poop and they have much funnier Youtube videos. And cuter too.

What's your absolute ideal end-goal, career-wise? Do you want to continue writing for larger and larger audiences, or do you see yourself branching into other mediums? (I could def see you as an informed voice on TV, radio, podcasts, etc.)

Asked by Leslie_NYC over 11 years ago

My ultimate end-goal is to be regarded as one of the most important writers of my generation. Long-term business goals include selling over a million books and getting published in some of the most prestigious periodicals (Harper's, NYT Magazine, etc.). I'm sure radio/TV will come along as part of that success if I achieve it, but those mediums aren't my primary focus. I see myself as a writer first and foremost.

What's a piece of advice that you used to dole out regularly that you later realized was totally wrong?

Asked by anon over 11 years ago

Ugh... good question. There are two that stand out: 1) I focused way too much of my dating advice on humor and coming across as cute and funny to women -- impressing them, really. Humor is nice and everything, but it's not the crux of attraction like I seemed to think for a while. Focusing on it so much also implies the idea that women must be impressed and entertained if they're going to like you, which is a terrible mindset to have. 2) That having sex with more women somehow changes you on a deep personal level, when in fact, sex is often shallow meaningless or even emotionally harmful. It's the same mistake most of the seduction industry makes, but I'm a little ashamed I bought into it so much wholeheartedly.

Who do you see as your primary competitors? Do you monitor them closely, or just kinda do your own thing?

Asked by Friar Buck over 11 years ago

Before when I was primarily a pick up and dating site, my competitors were obvious: the other pick up businesses and coaches. Now that I've branched out into more self development and lifestyle and focused much more on my personal brand rather than specific advice, my competition and market has become more ephemeral. I think my biggest competition are the modern men's sites: AskMen.com, ArtofManliness.com, Men's Health, etc. But I think they are competition less in what they sell, and more in the space they occupy in pop culture and in men's perceptions of themselves. Ultimately, the goal of my site is to redefine what masculinity is and how a new generation of men perceive themselves. So while some sites or businesses may compete directly with my style product or my dating product, ultimately I'm competing for a space in the mind's of men at large. It's a lofty goal, but hey, dream big, right?

Hi Mark,
Like your site. How much penetration has the 'unplugging from the matrix' idea made into the mainstream and what's its potential? What are the barriers? By nature, these ideas are uncomfortable. Thanks.

Asked by JudgeMiller over 11 years ago

It's penetrating further and further. I think it's inevitable, the social and economic changes happening, as well as the philosophies of the younger generations are converging on this type of lifestyle. It's kind of our version of the "free love" revolution I suppose. They are hard ideas to grapple with, but change always is. I think a decade from now people's attitudes towards this type of lifestyle will be quite different it will be considered a lot more mainstream.

Was there ever any one piece of reader feedback that resonated so much that it actually made you rethink something you were doing/writing/living?

Asked by The Innkeeper over 11 years ago

A couple years ago, I had a regular feminist commentator who would often disagree with me respectfully. Although it didn't happen immediately, she slowly, over the course of months, influenced me to start considering other perspectives. Unfortunately, a lot of the reader influence happens because of the bad apples. For instance, if I try to teach a concept in a certain way and some guys with that problem are able to rationalize their way out of the advice, then it forces me to sit down and re-think how I'm explaining concepts. I enjoy good criticism (emphasis on "good") and my work has been criticized a bit over the years that has helped me shore it up and make it stronger. But I can't think of one single reader comment or email that changed everything for me. Most of the influence I've gotten from readers has been a slow, long-term progression.

On your blog you tell a lot of personal stories. How do the people that the stories about react, do they ever get upset about you writing about them?

Asked by Sarcastic Red Head over 11 years ago

Sometimes my parents call me up feeling really guilty when I do a post about my emotional baggage or childhood issues, haha. But generally, no. Most of the people either don't care, are mildly flattered, or never find out because they don't read me. The exception is girlfriends. My ex could get pissy/happy depending on how I referenced her in various posts. And the current girl I'm dating actually cried when she read a post I wrote about her (it was the good kind of cry). Honestly, it's surprising how little blowback or drama I've gotten considering how personal I do often get.

Hi Mark, as a professional blogger at what time do you wake up in the morning ?

Asked by Nicolas over 11 years ago

I'm a night owl. Over the years, my sleep schedule usually ran from 4AM to 11AM or so. I usually made it a goal to be up by noon. Although the past few weeks I have been experimenting with polyphasic sleeping (google it), so I've been going to bed at 4AM and getting up at 7AM recently. Being up that early feels... weird.

If you had to pick one, which of the countries that you've lived in was the most surprisingly great?

Asked by elias over 11 years ago

You mean the one that exceeded my expectations the most? I would say either China or Russia. I really did not expect to like China. I was going there to do the tourist stuff and because it was a cheaper connection back home to the States for the holidays. I ended up really, really liking it there and wanting to go back for an extended period of time. Another one is Russia. Before I even got there I had dropped a small fortune on visas, language lessons, and an apartment in the center of St. Petersburg. When I got there, my immediate thought was "What have I done?" Nothing worked, everything was dirty, everyone was rude, no one spoke English, the food was horrible, the weather was horrible. I thought I was in for a very long month. I ended up loving it and actually if I didn't have a girlfriend in Brazil I'd probably go back to Russia ASAP.

Do you eventually want to settle down with one woman? Would it have to be a woman who's willing to country-hop with you indefinitely?

Asked by Sumeet over 11 years ago

Yes, I do. And although she wouldn't need to be willing to country hop, she would have to be passionate about travel and different cultures.

Do you ever experience writer's block and how do you push through it?

Asked by *-*blink*-* over 11 years ago

Yes, I do. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got related to this actually came from my high school math teacher. He was an old dude and had been teaching for 40 years or something. And he told us that he noticed that when kids were stumped on the test, if they started writing something, anything, their brains would naturally start to trial-and-error their way into the problem and come up with something. But if they just sat there and stared and thought, nothing ever came of it and they only got more and more frustrated. On my site, I refer to this as the "Do Something Principle" I apply the same concept to writer's block. When I have writer's block I force myself to just start writing, even if I think what I'm writing is total shit and silly and useless, I just keep going. And inevitably what happens is I find one or two things I like and want to keep and then expand on those, and then that gives me new ideas and I continue until I'm over it. But it often takes a number of attempts. What I've found is that some article ideas give me a lot of writer's block while others come out of me effortlessly. Not completely sure why.

Were you an entrepreneur from the moment you stepped out of college, or did you work any regular jobs before "seeing the light?"

Asked by micah_88 over 11 years ago

I worked in a bank for a short period of time, maybe 2-3 months before quitting. My entrepreneurialism was unplanned and a bit serendipitous. I wrote about it on my site here: http://postmasculine.com/kill-your-day-job

I see you're writing a second book about long-term travel but... where is the first? Can't find it listed on your site. I'm one month into living mobile and finding it has ups and downs. Could use a good guide.

Asked by redunzl over 11 years ago

The first book is about dating and women. The site began years ago as a men's dating site. You can find it here: http://postmasculine.com/models

Hey Mark, where do you see the opportunities for people who want to live the mobile lifestyle but not necessarily run their own businesses?

Asked by Tom over 11 years ago

I think they're growing. More and more companies and corporations are offering opportunities to work remotely. I also think that the information age promotes more creative freelance type work. There will always be those jobs that always require you to show up, but I think things are going to be more flexible in the near future. It's likely that in 10 years, this lifestyle won't be uncommon at all anymore.

Do you use deadlines regarding to your work on the blog ? How and why ?


...Mark, thanks for answering my first question about the time you wake up. I was actually waking up myself, now that I'm out the shower I have this one...

Asked by Nicolas over 11 years ago

For articles and blog posts I set deadlines for myself because it's important to post content consistently and keep readers regularly engaged. For larger projects like books or products, I don't set deadlines but rather progress goals, i.e., "I want to write 5,000 words this week," etc.

Hi Mark,
A beginners' mind question. First blog post? Yes, I need great content - but how does anyone know the post exists? Where to start? I like the "be a guest blogger" tip - but how do small spuds find one another to even begin?

Asked by Gemma over 11 years ago

Hunt around the blog-o-sphere, for every blog you're aware of, there are probably 2000 you're not. Click on people's blog rolls then click on all of those people's blog rolls and so on. You'll eventually find dozens of relatable blogs to yours. But also, starting on forums and comments is an easier place to start.

Do you do a lot of research when you write blog posts, or is everything pretty much coming from within? If the latter, how do you maintain credibility if most of the material is just one person's opinion?

Asked by holyhell over 11 years ago

I rarely do research for a specific post, but I do a lot of ongoing research in subjects I'm interested in. I read A LOT, and most of what I read is non-fiction. I try to keep up with all of the popular psychology books that are being published and as I read I make little notes on my computer of certain ideas, studies or anecdotes I'd like to use in a post. I also have a bookmark folder for articles and studies I come across on the internet that I could see myself using in a post. I basically build up a reservoir of research and credible material to fall back on when I need it to make my point. I just put up a post today about what I call "the prime belief." It relates a lot to William James, one of my favorite philosophers and someone whom I've read quite a bit of and about over the years. So when I decided to write the post, it was a matter of digging through my old books and verifying a few basic facts online before writing it. Citing stuff definitely does build a lot of credibility and I'm trying to get better about it. People take you more seriously and it helps keep me grounded and talking about what works not just some hair-brained idea I came up with on a Saturday night. It's particularly important for my industry too, because there's actually a scary lack of scientific research backing up a lot of self help. So I'd like to be the guy who actually does go through the trouble to cite a lot of research backing up my models and theories.

I've noticed a snowball effect. The more I improve with women, the more entitled I feel and the more my overall lifestyle and mindset improves. Controlling that aspect of my life, I feel like I can control anything. Have you experienced this?

Asked by legendart over 11 years ago

Yes. Improving with women can be a means for increasing your self-esteem, especially if it's an area you carried around a lot of emotional baggage. So yes, my quality of life and general confidence increased greatly when I became better with women. The bad news is that there's a limit to it. Everyone hits a point eventually where dating and sleeping with more/hotter women no longer affects their self-perception very much. At some point, any form of external validation stops fulfilling you. When this happens, you want to move your focus on to improving other areas of your life. Also, BE WARNED that men like us who regain a lot of our lost self-esteem through successful sexual and romantic relationships, we have a tendency to get hooked or even addicted to the validation that it brings. Don't become one of these men.

Who are your mentors as of today?

Asked by chadwick over 11 years ago

At the moment I don't really have any mentors, although I've had a few at various times in the past. These days, I'm more of looking at what the super-famous bloggers are doing (Tim Ferriss, Leo Babauta, etc.) and try to model or draw some sort of inspiration from them, since reaching that level seems to be the next step.

Do you make enough money on the blog alone to support yourself, or is the bulk of your income from ancillary products sold through the blog?

Asked by Dorian over 11 years ago

Not sure what you mean. I have my own products and books that I sell through my blog. The blog itself makes very little money since I do little to no advertising. But yes, I have supported myself for about four years now.

Can't thank you enough Mark, this will be a HUGE help for me. Two last questions: Do you spontaneously think of topics or plan them? And are you careful about not revealing too much valuable info in your blogs so you can hold it out for your books?

Asked by Legendary over 11 years ago

I have a TXT file where I keep a list of blog post ideas. I update it regularly whenever something occurs to me. Then, when I want to write something, I refer to it. I do spontaneously write posts as well though. I would say that maybe 25% of my posts I come up with on the spot and the other 75% are taken from my list of ideas. And yes, I do hold back on some material if I know I want it to specifically be for in a book or product. Although sometimes I also write an article about a topic knowing that I will use that article in a product or book. I would say about 20% of my books end up being adapted and expanded blog articles

Great to have you here Mark! Can you tell the story of your "America" post that I've heard catapulted you into blog superstardom? Did you know you were writing something special? Did the reaction surprise you? What changed for you in its wake?

Asked by Jobstr Dan over 11 years ago

I actually came up with the idea for it months ago. I knew that it probably had some strong viral potential and I was still organizing some of my on-site branding, so I put it on the back-burner for a while. Then in early July, an article I wrote about India went viral and got a lot of attention. With it came a lot of angry Indian commenters (the article was decidedly negative), and a number of them criticized the US or made the assumption that I thought the US was somehow superior. So in an effort to engage these new readers and keep them around I decided to dig up the America article idea and write it up. I wrote it in a few hours the night before, edited it again the morning of and put it up. I expected it to get viral attention but I never fathomed it was going to blow up to the degree that it did. Not only did it go viral, but it went mega-viral. I had people from high school and college, friends of friends, emailing me telling me it popped up on their facebook. There were a handful of occasions after posting it where I met someone new and it turned out they had read it. It was pretty insane. Surprisingly, not as much changed as I thought or hoped while it was happening. 99% of the traffic didn't stick long-term, which I suppose is to be expected. Sales didn't jump up much either, which I suppose is also to be expected. It did open up some mainstream writing opportunities though, which is awesome. What it did show me was it gave me a lot of information on what is valuable on my business and what isn't. It showed me that more traffic by itself doesn't solve very much. It showed me that writing an amazing post and writing my ass off is the best marketing tool I have. It also showed me the (f)utility of blog comments and how much negative feedback I can handle until I start to lose it a little bit.

What bloggers or writers do you really draw influence from?

Asked by Rebel Yellow over 11 years ago

My two biggest blog influences are Bill Simmons and Andrew Sullivan. Simmons is a sportswriter and Sullivan is blogs about politics. I have read almost every word they've both written for almost 10 years now. From Simmons, I love the audacity of his long-form pieces, especially in this day and age of short attention spans. His angles, humor and casual tone are so good though that he always keeps you hooked to the end. It's very, very rare that I don't finish his articles in one sitting. It's amazing that he's the most popular sportswriter in the US and he regular puts out 3,000-5,000 word columns when most of his contemporaries are churning out 800-word pieces of fluff. I love that and try to do the same thing for my industry. I admire Sullivan's absolutely unrelenting honesty and unwillingness to compromise his search for the truth. Unlike most political writers, he almost never succumbs to cheap shots or propoganda. He writes serious pieces that make you think while still making them relatable and very human. He's also lived a very interesting life (gay, HIV-positive, immigrant) and is very open about who he is and where he comes from. Incredibly smart as well. Lately Tim Ferriss has become a bit of an influence, but more from a marketing perspective. I think his headlines are brilliant. His content is very hit and miss for me.

As you know, it's hard to take the leap and quit your day job. People think you're crazy. Were you able to avoid questioning yourself and your ability to succeed while facing the doubters head on? Did you ever think of just turning back?

Asked by Legendary over 11 years ago

I was terrified to quit my day job and I questioned myself every day. I just burned the boats and couldn't turn back. Turning back was never an option for me. I was going to have to be broke and homeless with my mother about to throw me out of her house for me to turn back to a day job. I was all-in from the get-go. That said, I had MANY sleepless nights from 2008 thru 2009. I think it comes with the territory. I wrote about my experiences here: http://postmasculine.com/kill-your-day-job

Mark, do you salt and pepper your food before you taste it or do you wait it out and test the waters before throwing on the spice, if you even do at all?

Asked by Guster over 11 years ago

Depends on the food.

What's your opinion on open marriage?

Asked by Elle J. over 11 years ago

As far as I'm concerned, two consenting adults can have whatever type of relationship they agree to. I have nothing against it.

How long did it take you to write your first book? How much did you write per day, and did you hire an editor?

Asked by 805_Dave over 11 years ago

People always hate me when I answer this. I wrote "Models" (349 pages) in six weeks, and took another month or so to edit it, and release it. When writing it, I aimed for 3,000 words per day but often exceeded it by quite a bit. On really, really good days, I've written as much as 10,000 words in a single day. But I'm a bit of a freak. I've learned from other writers and bloggers that I write very quickly. It's something you practice and work up to. Back in 2008, I wrote a small 100-page ebook on dating to sell to some people, and that actually took me closer to three months. So these things, like anything, come with practice. I did not get an editor. I didn't have the extra money for it at the time, and honestly the book suffered for it. Lot of typos and errors when it came out. Took a couple months to fix all of them. Taught me that self-editing is very hard. No matter how many times you read your own stuff, something still squeaks through.

How do you get over feeling like you are being rude/intrusive when you approach a woman? Whenever I approach I have this stinging feel that I am behaving unethical and I have no idea what to do about it.

Asked by Mike over 11 years ago

There are worse things in the world than being rude. Cultivate your inner asshole a bit more. I mean that in the best way possible. Your perception of people's boundaries is off and it's harming your social and romantic life. Here are some thoughts to consider: 1. Many woman want to be approached by men like you. You are letting these women down. 2. Judge the ethics of approaching women not by whether you do it or not but the respect with which you do it. There's nothing unethical or abnormal about one human being talking to another. In fact, it's a testament to how fucked up our society that simple communication between strangers can be the basis of an ethics discussion. Just say "Hi," gauge her interest/enthusiasm and then go from there.

Did you focus on building an audience through your blog before you wrote your ebook? Or did you write your ebook once you know you had a good following?

Asked by legendary over 11 years ago

Building up a blog and writing an ebook are kind of a chicken and egg sort of deal. If you don't build up your audience then nobody is going to buy the book and no one will care that you wrote it. If you don't write a book and build your audience, your brand suffers and people give you less credibility. I wrote a number of smaller ebooks and products on dating over the years before I wrote "Models" (my flagship book). So I had built up an audience for a few years prior to that. For new bloggers, I would suggest getting some sort of audience established before writing a book. The months it takes to establish an audience will help you hone your message and figure out what people want to hear. Once you've done that and have created somewhat of a loyal following, then put out a book. Books have a lot of amazing intangible effects on your blog and site. Like I said, they give you a lot more credibility, they establish your brand, people take you more seriously, they're link-bait, and they get spread through word-of-mouth. People rarely say to their friends, "Hey, you should read this blog," but they always say, "Hey, you should read this book."

In the "Kill Your Day Job" post you mentioned that receive income from other sites besides PM. Does that involve in PPC or PPV at all? How would you recommend I start making significant income online? I already have a 3 figure ebook income via Kindle

Asked by Baper over 11 years ago

I don't get involved in PPC or PPV. Most of my the non-PM income comes from past consulting gigs I did or past products which are promoted by old websites that I don't update anymore or affiliates. PPC isn't what it used to be. Very few people find it profitable these days. I think the average internet user has become too sophisticated, so the old school "buy traffic, shove them to a squeeze page/salesletter" usually turns up empty. That's been my experience at least.

Mark - are you just a naturally good writer, or did you have any kind of training?

Asked by Souldier over 11 years ago

Just normal high school and college writing courses. If you research on how to improve at writing, you'll consistently come across the same two piece of advice: 1) read a lot, 2) write a lot. I'm not really going to deviate from that. I actually never did too well in my writing classes (I deviated from the assignments too much). But I always read a shit-ton. Mostly non-fiction. And I cut my teeth writing a lot by actually... wait for it... posting on too many forums. Yes, I was THAT guy who would sit in a Friday night and write a 5-page cited dissertation on why Dream Theater's "Awake" album redefined the paradigm of melody in heavy metal... or something. Seriously, I racked up thousands of posts on various forums and was addicted to debating. Over the years, my posts got really good. Then I started a blog where I wrote 1,000 to 2,000 word posts three times a week for 4+ years. Do that long enough and you get good. Also, read literature. Reading fluff is fine. But read the greats. Read the recent geniuses. Read good books that make you think. David Foster Wallace, Jonathan Frazen, Bret Easton Ellis. Cormac McCarthy. Pay attention to how they write. Why it works. Why it doesn't. Then play around and try to mimic their style. Have fun with it.

what exactly is your internet-based business that allows you to earn an income and live/work in foreign countries?

Asked by mark over 11 years ago

The vast majority of my income comes from postmasculine.com and the products and books I sell through it. I do have some past projects lying around the web that still generate some extra money. I used to do consulting and some free lance work as well, but not any more. 100% of my effort is on PM these days.

Hey Mark,
Any insights for a 24 year old guy who has had a severe stutter his whole life, and who has a plethora of social and romantic troubles due to it, in spite of generally being open about it and casually bringing it up when necessary?

Asked by Justthisonce over 10 years ago

Hey Mark. There's so much "self-help"/life-coach crap out there right now that vulnerable people get duped into paying for. How do you separate yourself from *that* flavor of self-help?

Asked by trey201 about 11 years ago